BRAVO: YOU F**KED UP

I had the misfortune of watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. The previous seasons were mildly bearable, but this new batch of women is completely worthless. What a waste, I'll stick to watching almost anything before I watch another episode of that shit. The woman in the middle is the worst of them all. 

Now, I'm not particularly high-brow with my tv selections, but that's even too vapid for my tastes! And that my friends, is saying something.

POOR REPUBLICANS

The Republicans are up in arms because they feel Sarah Palin's Newsweek cover should have been retouched. Um, should that be considered an insult to Sarah Palin because they think she should have retouched? Or perhaps is it truly because they feel Obama had preferential treatment? 

I have the magazine sitting here in front of me and while I can't stand the thought of her being our Vice President, she is a beautiful woman and she looks like a beautiful woman.  It seems counterproductive to argue that they should have made her look prettier when much ado has been made of her perceived inability to help lead the country because she was a "beauty queen" or "too pretty".  Republicans, come on now! I think by arguing about this you're really doing more damage than good. Similar to how McCain and Palin are mudslinging, this just seems like a petty argument that is ultimately just another distraction from what really matters. 

Lighten the fuck up! And I recommend you do this by watching this hysterical discussion on FOX News. FOX = Hysterical. 

HELL NO!

AIG hits up the Feds for more money. Really???

The New York Federal Reserve is lending up to $37.8 billion to American International Group to give the troubled insurer access to much-needed cash.

In exchange, AIG is giving the New York Fed investment-grade, fixed-income securities that it had previously lent out to other institutions for a fee. Those institutions are now returning these securities and want their money back.

The new program, announced Wednesday, is on top of the $85 billion the federal government agreed to lend to AIG last month to prevent the global company from collapsing. AIG said last Friday it had drawn down $61 billion.

The lending program is a way for AIG to get funding for its businesses, said a New York Fed spokesman. The system is similar to lending facilities the Fed provides to banks, which can also exchange collateral for cash.

The latest announcement does not jeopardize the government's ability to recoup its loan to AIG, experts said.

"AIG will repay the loan," said Stewart Johnson, portfolio manager at Philo Smith, an investment bank specializing in insurance. "It's just a matter of how much of themselves they will have to sell."

AIG LIVING THE GOOD LIFE

Many of AIG's top performers got a nice spa trip, but didn't they just get bailed out? Let's all it say together, "What the fuck?" Doesn't it just piss you off? 

From the Washington Post:
Joseph Cassano, the financial products manager whose complex investments led to American International Group's near collapse, is receiving $1 million a month in consulting fees.

Former chief executive Martin Sullivan, whose three-year tenure coincided with much of the company's ill-fated risk-taking, is receiving a $5 million performance bonus.

And just last week, about 70 of the company's top performers were rewarded with a week-long stay at the luxury St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, Calif., where they ran up a tab of $440,000.

At a House committee hearing yesterday, Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.) showed a photograph of the resort, which overlooks the Pacific Ocean, and reported expenses for AIG personnel including $200,000 for rooms, $150,000 for meals and $23,000 for the spa. 

ANOTHER STFU MOMENT

Diddy, I like you (kinda), I respect your entrepreneurial spirit...but I have to say, shut the fuck up with this video. Talk about McCain being out of touch, you're bitchin' about having to fly commercial. Lord have mercy with your crazy talk - what do you think, that some Saudi is gonna Fed-Ex you some oil or something?

CHOOSE GOOD

I was standing at my usual bus stop but it was pouring rain so for just a couple of minutes, I stood under the awning in front of the Key Bank doors. This woman came walking up and snottily says, "Can I please get by to get in our doors?" I said, "Of course."

My first response was to be snotty back and say something like, "Of course, but only because they're YOUR doors you stupid hag. Have a great fucking day and I hope you continue to represent Key Bank in such a sunny and delightful way." But I chose the light, I chose to understand that maybe her foot hurt her, or maybe she hated her job, or maybe she was unhappy with her weight. Either way, I just absorbed the negativity and for me, this was a lesson learned. If I weren't ranting at all, that would be real accomplishment, but baby steps ok?

On a related note, right after her spew she tripped just slightly on a crack in the cement of the doorway. Instant karma perhaps? I'm just sayin'!

FEMA MIGHT USE THE TRAILERS AGAIN

I ran across another article on MSNBC and this one is about the FEMA trailers used after Hurricane Katrina. See, after Katrina, nearly 1 million people were displaced because of the hurricane, and thousands were sent to emergency trailers and there are still approximately 500 families living in trailers, despite the high levels of formaldehyde. Now keep in mind, FEMA previously promised that they would no longer and never again use those trailers but now, as long as they are shown to have lower levels they would use them as an option again. The problem is, they don't know what "lower levels" really means. It seems nobody does! 

But have no fear, they are working to provide money for these people so they can get doctor exams - similar to how the World Trade Center heroes were provided care. We all know how that turned out right?

I need to know how I can help, I need to know what I can post, what I can do. I hate just making people aware of the problem without even knowing how to help with a solution. Any ideas?

SHORT AND SWEET MOVIE REVIEW : SWEENEY TODD

Yesterday I watched Sweeney Todd, I ordered it from Amazon Unbox and it was sent to my Tivo for easy-viewing. I was pretty excited because I (like most people) love Johnny Depp along with the imagery that Tim Burton consistently presents. You know, the underlying menace to a seemingly whimsical situation? 

So, I start watching it and I am kind of digging it, until the first song. Then I get a little worried because I didn't get the "musical gene", but I decide to muster up the energy to overlook the typical Stephen Sondheim music, where the notes jump all over the place but people stand up and cheer it? Anyway, then another song, then another song, and another song. ARGH, I'm a dumb fuck because hello, it's a musical. I thought maybe it was mostly movie with some music thrown in. No, this was a musical. 

In short, I made it through the movie in about 13 minutes. Yes, I saw the ending and everything leading up to it. I hit fast forward and didn't stop. It was the best 13 minute musical I've ever seen and for 30 cents per minute, it wasn't too painful from a cost perspective either. 

CELINE DION, THE WATER GUZZLER

I love Celine Dion, not so much her music but rather, who I have seen in interviews and stuff - she's just the right amount of crazy and for me, that contrasts nicely with her schmaltzy music. But this morning I read an article from the Palm Beach Post that talks about who uses the most water in their area, and Celine and her fath...I mean husband were right at the top. Keep in mind, she doesn't even live there yet. Here's an excerpt:

While most residents use fewer than 10,000 gallons a month, utility records show that some of the Treasure Coast's most water-hungry residents use more than 15 times that amount.

The biggest users live along Martin County's coastline, including wealthy Jupiter Island, where homeowners use up to 1.6 million gallons a month - more than 250 times the average amount used by residential customers served by Martin County utilities.

For the 12 months that ended in March, the title of top water-guzzler went to Renlec Management, the Montreal-based company of Canadian singer Celine Dion, who owns 5.7 acres in the island town. In a year, the property used about 6.5 million gallons of water, or enough to fill a 50-gallon bathtub about every four minutes.

Now Celine, for the love of the children, and their parents (inside joke there), can you please use some rock gardens or something? 

OOMPA LOOMPA LEGS ALERT

Am I safe on no street corner, no bus stop, nothin'? Why must my eyes sting from such atrocities from an otherwise beautiful ensemble for this sunny day?

WHAT NOT TO DO ON A FLIGHT - PLEASE

I was on my flight back yesterday, and it was a really great flight where I watched two movies with the little personal player thing you can get, more info on that later.

Anyway, this woman sitting in front and to the right of me had a few interesting habits for the plane ride. First off, I saw the hair and I was a tad bit surprised to actually see somebody with that hair still, but she was a really pretty woman so no disrespect that. Nice make-up, attractive face, etc. But again, the hair was frosted and tightly curled and/or feathered with a close cut or clip on the sides - yes, I know what you're thinking, LPGA-time! She was sitting next to her hubby and they were clearly in love - all good stuff.

But then, the grossness started. First it was doing her nails, filing and smoothing them with one of those nail cube things with 4 sides, one for smoothing, one for buffing, and two for whatever else - you know what I'm talking about. The second, and really the deal-breaker for me, was a later conversation she was having while picking her teeth with one of those toothpick-type things, the kind that look like a wire-brush or something like that. All while talking, just nasty right? 

Have any of you had similar experiences in a tight area such as a plane cabin? Which of these three things (hair, nails, toothpicking) would you consider the worst? Leave a comment, I really am curious!

OOMPA LOOMPAS ARE H-O-T

Standing at the bus stop today, I saw this woman walking by and it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. You know, the shorter skirt, relatively toned body, thinks she's hot as hell, that stuff. Props for all of that stuff, truly. BUT (there's always a but huh?), she looked the color of an Oompa Loompa!  I'm gonna say this straight up because that's how I roll right? NOBODY LOOKS GOOD IN FAKE TANNER OK?

Even when well-applied, it still looks messed up and sloppy - you might appear thinner (which is why lots of people want that "healthy glow") but you also look like perhaps you have some sort of septic backup going on internally! Either go to a tanning bed or just come to terms with your luminescence and before you hate on me for suggesting the "unhealthier" tanning bed, don't be acting like health is really on your mind when you put a bunch of funky chemicals on your body. Oh yeah, and cover your feet please - the hooker heals don't go quite that high ok? As I've said before, your freedom of expression stops when it meets my eyes. Sorry Luv.

OK, I'm better now and can go back to being loving and kind. Shit, I forgot to say what my Texas friends say after being mean so here goes: "Bless her heart." 

APPLE, LOVING YOU IS SO HARD!

If I didn't have so much Apple stuff, I would totally boycott them - but like that boyfriend or girlfriend that treats us bad but the sex is really good, I go back for more. Like a crackhead roaming the streets, I am addicted - I'm such an idiot!

When the 3G iPhone is introduced this summer, AT&T, the exclusive U.S. iPhone sales partner with Apple, will cut the price by as much as $200, according to a person familiar with the strategy.

AT&T is preparing to subsidize $200 of the cost of a new iPhone, bringing the price down to $199 for customers who sign two-year contracts, the source says. Apple is expected to have two versions of the new iPhone, an 8-gigabyte-memory and a 16-gigabyte-memory model with price tags widely expected to be $399 and $499.

Check this article about how the next iPhone is just months away and will be better AND cheaper. Devil bastards with a siren's song.

RANT OF THE DAY

You know, it's hard to have faith in our President, and it pains me to think that he's basically going to be terrible until the very end. It's sad that he's had a huge hand in needing to increase our "country's security" by creating more people to protect us from. You know, people that hate the United States. I find it interesting that his steps to combat global warming have been so tiny that it's almost insulting. Given what's going on in our current economy, it just seems to be another case of "executives" lining their own pockets without giving a flying fuck about the rest of us. You know, acting like they're doing things for us all the while protecting their own interests. - yeah, you know what I'm talking about, Bush = Oil.

Check out this article from CNN on the non-action for the environment and this article from the Huffington Post (back in February but has much really changed?) about the gas prices rising as well as Exxon's profits? They actually posted the largest annual profit by a U.S. company, $40.6 billion. Interesting...how can that be? I know the gas story is nothing new, but I'm still frustrated about it - and I take the bus!

Does Anyone Have a Razor Blade?

Ugh, I hate this kind of shit! I mean, American Idol is iffy enough right? But no, they have to make the music on the show even worse.

2009 Ford Flex - Yay or Nay?

Check this out, it's supposed to blur the line between a minivan and an SUV. To me it blurs the line between Monster Truck Show or a trip to the Piggly Wiggly. 

It has seating for up to 7 across three rows and all but the driver seat will fold flat. This vehicle is said to produce more than 260 hp - lovely, just what we need more of. And I tried to find the mpg with no luck, so that's a big hmmm....

I'm glad the seats will fold flat because it will then allow me to hide from anyone that knows me because I wouldn't be caught dead riding in or owning one of these presumable gas-guzzling, hideous vehicles. Oops, was that too honest? I do like the color on this one though. 

Yet Another Reason to Avoid Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart insurance is suing a disabled worker because she received a settlement from a trucking company that settled with her due to an accident. She can barely function and will need care probably for the rest of her life, but now Wal-Mart is suing to get that money back from the settlement. In fact, probably more than that now that she had to pay expenses, lawyer fees, etc. 

What do you think? I think it's SHADY and shameful on Wal-Mart's part. 

For more information on Wal-Mart and their shady ways, click here. 

Bear Stearns - Another Company Led into the Fire

WTF is going out with corporate America? CEO's and executives are taking big money, whether a company is doing well or not! They run the companies into the ground, use smoke and mirrors to make it seem like they're not getting any compensation, and laugh all the way to the bank. It's total bullshit! In the case of Bear Stearns, shareholders are likely to end up with about $2 dollars a share when not long ago it was comfortably above $100 a share and at one point, at about $160 a share.

But don't you worry for the "leaders" of this company, they'll still get megamillions as part of their compensation packages. 

Here's an excerpt from the BusinessWeek article: 

PLUMP BONUSES
At Bear, it was taken for granted that executives had a large stake in the company. Chief Executive Officer Alan Schwartz owns more than 1 million shares and employees own one-third of the shares outstanding. "They wanted people to have skin in the game," explained Chris Whalen of risk management consultant Institutional Risk Analytics and a former Bear employee.

But don't cry for Cayne and his cadre of Bear big shots. Their paper wealth may have disintegrated but for years leading up to Bear's collapse they had been the beneficiaries of one of the most generous compensation packages in the industry. Over five years, from 2002 through 2006, Cayne took home total compensation—salary, bonus, restricted stock, and stock options—worth a combined $156 million. Current CEO Schwartz made $141 million. Former Co-President Warren Spector, deposed after the hedge fund debacle, did the best of them all, reaping $168 million.

The biggest chunk of pay came in the form of bonuses, which for Bear execs were relatively easily obtained. Through 2005, bonuses were based on the completion of any one of nine metrics, a tactic that virtually guaranteed that targets would be met, according to a report from independent research firm the Corporate Library.

From 2002 through 2005, Bear Stearns proxy statements show that Cayne and his lieutenants, Schwartz and Spector, took home bonuses of between $9 million and $12 million each.

All together now!

In Treatment - HBO

HBO allowed the first 15 episodes of In Treatment to be downloaded to your Tivo for free, and then to watch more you have to watch HBO - not a big deal to me, I mean, at least you got 15 for free right? Try before you buy I suppose. 

But here I go, saying a probably unpopular thing:  I hate the show! I love Gabriel Byrne in general and the shows are only 30 minutes long. It explores the psychosis of a different set of patients each time, and it is meant to be fascinating. I have to say though, I found the first two episodes with Blair Underwood to be so annoying I couldn't even watch it. Narcissism at its worst! I'm kind of a "get to the point" kind of guy and this show is the exact opposite of that, you are supposed to be enthralled by the process of delving into the psyche to get to the real problems. Unfortunately, I was already agitated and lost interest long before that. 

Click here for a preview. I suspect that many people love it or will love it, I'm just sad to report that I deleted the rest of the episodes and I'm not going to be one of them. 

Bye Bye Eliot Spitzer

Another politician trying to be above the law - nothing sad about it, except for his family. Get the hell out hypocrite! Let's add him to the list of those that protest too much and are hiding their own lies. Click here for the actual story if you're not up-to-date.